it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
