After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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