her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
