i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
