Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
