Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
