Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
thus making me awesome and them whores
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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