Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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