i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
