Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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