I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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