my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
