In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
