im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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