God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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