And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
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