I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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