So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
