i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Randomize
