thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
