Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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