I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
