i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
