It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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