im drinking this country out of the recession.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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