considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
