I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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