I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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