You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
