I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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