it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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