oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
