i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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