i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
