Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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