Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize