Please don't use social media to get back at me.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
