So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
