He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
