remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
mondays should just be called national damage control day
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
