1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
