I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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