so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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