I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
