I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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