I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
