He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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