Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
