I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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