I wanna bring you to show and tell
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
