He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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