I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
