She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
