I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize
