So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Dick very happy bro
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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