i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
