i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
