until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize