You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I don't think brook has ever known best
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
