I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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