For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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