my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
