Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
