Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
