I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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