can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
