This is not my ceiling
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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