stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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