Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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